Ecklie
by thisisawittypenname
Summary: A look at all of our favorite CSIs from the veiw of one Conrad Ecklie. Slight hint of NS, rated for some foul words. Oneshot.


Title: Ecklie

Disclaimer: I only own about...oh yeah, absolutely none of it.

Spoilers: Set sometime after "Nesting Dolls", but before "Grave Danger"

A/N: I don't really know how this idea came to me, but I figured Ecklie could be a really interesting character to look at. Had to add the little bit of Snickers at the end because I'm a huge Snickers lover. Also, I'd like to apologize for the title, or rather lack there of. I'm not feeling too creative right now. Rated for eight or nine bad words.

Please note this is from Ecklie's point of view.

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I'm not too well liked around here, and that's a pretty mild way of putting it. I've been called a snake, underhanded, spiteful and bitter, a worthless excuse for a man… and those, I hear, are my good qualities. Of course, never have I been called these to my face; only CSI Sidle told me I've only "failed my way to the top" because "Grissom doesn't kiss ass." And damned if Grissom didn't even fire her… he and his team gets away with far too much for my taste.

But the thing is, I think she's right. My lips are forever pursed in the proverbial pucker.

Damn.

People wonder why I'm such a… well, take your pick of words, because whatever you come up with, you'll find someone who'll say I'm ten times worse. I've been wondering too. I think somewhere along the line, I just got swept up in the politics. But thinking back on it, there hasn't been a definitive point in my career where it was 'fish or cut bait'. And Catherine Willows, especially for being one of Grissom's people, plays the game exceptionally well. And she's not like me. So that leaves me with the less desirable explanation:

Jealousy.

I'm assistant director. I was a damn fine CSI. But Grissom and his team…

I'm not respected like Gil is. He's a bit of an enigma, and works with a patience and intelligence that everyone admires. That line I fed him about his "supervising skills" was a steaming load of shit. He holds his team together far better than I ever could, and I resent him for that. He's a good enough man to forge relationships with people, and while they might be skewed or unconventional, they're still real. I'm not even man enough to admit completely that I'm jealous.

He's one of a handful who understands entomology; he's called into court to confirm analysis. He's well known, recognized by many as a genius. I'm just Conrad Ecklie, not-so-proud owner of a closet-full of cheap suits.

Then there's Catherine; Grissom's right, and let's be honest, left hand. She knows politics; she can jump in the pool with sharks and come out unscathed. She'd good with people, something I could never be. More than once has a case been broken because of her coaxing the victim, suspect, perp… you name it. As much as I hate to admit it, she's damn good at what she does. And with a daughter? How she ever managed to raise a kid is beyond me, and that's another thing I envy. Her resilience and strength, but also the unconditional lover her daughter provides her.

Hell, they say that pets should love you like that too, right, but my cat ran away ages ago.

Never came back.

Warrick Brown. There's someone I think even Grissom might envy, though I'm sure he wouldn't admit it. That guy, he's just so damned relaxed, and in this business that's a luxury I'm not fortunate enough to have. Laid back and mellow, while I'm high strung and, well, a complete asshole. He's self-assured and confident; I step on the little people and laugh to show myself I'm in charge. He has no problems with anyone on the staff here (myself not included). I'm even jealousy of the temper he gets when he thinks he's dealing with a crooked cop; he sees this job as justice, where I see it as paperwork I need to climb over on the way to the top.

The man overcame a gambling addiction in Las Vegas. I can't even go a day without coffee before I'm itching for a cup.

Thinking about it, I guess I'm even jealous of Sanders. He's good at what he does in the lab, and he'll make a great CSI. That team really cares about him, and I'm bitter about the slightly dysfunctional family he was so readily accepted into.

It's the last two members of the team that I'm really jealous of. Stokes and Sidle; ever since that night when Sidle blue up at me, they've been inseparable. They really love each other, and that makes me look at my own empty life with such disdain. They're discreet, of course, while on company time, but if you walk outside to your car five minutes after shift ends, you can usually find them learning against one of their vehicles, kissing in a not so discreet manner.

It makes me feel really hollow. The only thing I'm having a love affair with is the lab. It seems like everything I've done in my entire lifetime doesn't even begin to compare to the smiles they give each other.

When I watch Grissom's team, it just makes me think of who I could have been, and I don't like doing that. If I was supposed to be anyone other than the cranky, balding enemy to practically everyone in the lab, then I would be, right?

But I'm not. So I just have to content myself with splitting up what will always remain "Grissom's team", and the sludge here they try to pass off as coffee.

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A/N: Come to think of it, I'm not really sure whether or not Ecklie's married, so let's just pretend he isn't, shall we.

Reviews make me one happy camper!


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